"Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now..." - Rainer Maria Rilke
In a way I feel that all of the years of my past were spent asking, or rather - living the questions. Wouldn't you think I could have the perfect questions figured out after all of the practice I have had? Nooooo. I just can't seem to word my questions right. Maybe, just maybe - I don't even know what I am asking. I mean, vague running mind language aside, it is possible.
Could it be possible that I won't fully understand my questions or even that I have been asking them until I receive answers to go along with said questions? Hopefully this year I can put two and two together and I can figure out what question I have been living in and consumed with. I need to understand what has been plaguing me as the unanswered question of my life.
It's not that I naively think that 2012 will be amazing and I will suddenly and magically get all of the things figured out with myself that I have wanted to for years, accomplish all of my goals and tie up all of my loose ends with a cherry on top; the New Year simply brings a sort of hope about it, albeit a misguided, unknowing fool of hope that helps you plan the year ahead like you were ordering desires from the Sears catalog. We simply need to place our order! Really?
My point is (actually, at this point I am not sure that I have a true point) that maybe all of these things could happen as suddenly as we desire them to...but - all in due time. Maybe Rilke is right and if we are forcing something to work that it isn't the appropriate time for, we will surely fail, because we wouldn't be able to fully appreciate it at that time.
I don't even know if that makes any sense. It's late and I am tired. I don't think I'm being the answers right now. I'm most certainly still living the questions. Maybe that is what I was musing on...the fact that it is okay if I haven't accomplished these goals in the past. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, because Rilke tells us that we would not be able to live them anyway. And if the point is to live everything, to experience everything, then we will have to believe that goals will be accomplished at the appropriate time.
What will it be time for this year? Will any answers reveal themselves and shed some light on my path? Will I advance on my journey? I reckon we don't quite know yet, but the fun is in living it, even if it is still a question.
Me to You,