I have a few vices and negative behaviors, but one of them definitely was binge drinking. At the beginning of 2013 I was mostly left with vodka, the only thing that I could binge on yet without horrible repercussions. My friend got me a Skull of vodka for my 33rd birthday...last October. It has since become somewhat of a ceremonial piece, for true occasions of need and/or want. I have passed the skull around a few times and others have drank from the great crystal head. Surprisingly there are still a couple of shots left in her, yet! The only reason I guess I mention it is that I was very into vodka a year and a half ago. Before I started therapy and got on meds I basically self medicated my anxiety and depression. I numbed myself a lot of the time for socializing. A bottle of Svedka wasn't drank in a day around here by any means, but it was lucky to last a few weeks let alone a month...let alone 9! I wasn't so much an alcoholic as I was a binge drinker. My crystal skull has survived 9 months. I've carried this baby for 3 trimesters, longer than any vodka I have ever had. My friends helped in her consumption, yes, so I guess this shows that I'm not doing that bad? I didn't even drink all of it. Less drinking, more eating. Now, if I can just get off of these meds and kill the Ed in my head. Imagine being able to live vice free? I commend those people who have no vices, but sometimes it is hard not to believe that such a person is only the romance of myth and legend...although I have witnessed some in my time. Regardless of the vices of others or lack thereof, I'm finally beginning to get a grip on mine. The skull is half full.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Throughout this healing journey or whatever you want to call it that I have been going through I have focused on the importance of avoidance, the wisdom in limitation and the worth of enough. Many things require LESS of (something, a behavior, a substance, a person) in order to see improvement. Some changes to make are things you need to stop or limit, while some are things you need to start or free. Some areas of your life you need MORE of (something, a behavior, a substance, a person) in order to move forward. If you need more of, you need to go through the same rough stage where, instead of learning to cope without (insert trigger here) you learn how to deal with (insert trigger here).