NaBloPoMo Prompt of the Day (Nov 24): Do you enjoy being alone? Would you rather be around other people?
I think that I probably answered this question when I blogged about my secret pleasure. In retrospect, I guess it really wasn’t much of a secret. It’s pretty obvious to me, and to some, but I suppose to others it wouldn’t be. Maybe that is why I chose it. Would I rather be alone or around people? I always described myself as an introverted extrovert. This may be a silly contradictory phrase, but it really does make perfect sense for me. Vice versa would hold true, as well; I am also an extroverted introvert.
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I grew up in a decent sized family. There were six of us all together. I had 3 siblings, two younger sisters and an older brother. Not big by older standards by any means, but 4 children is quite a bit for today. I was the second child, but the oldest daughter. Sometimes it felt as though I was the oldest in general. It goes without saying that the first born is born into a deal of responsibility in the hierarchy of a family, and being the first of three girls and so close to my brother in age, I was no different.
Although being in a big family forced me to interact with people throughout most of my days, I also preferred to spend a lot of time in my room and/or alone as a child. I didn’t dislike my family, per se; all families have issues. As I mentioned in my blog about my secret pleasure, I am not sure if I am just innately like this or I became this way because of conditions during my development. It’s just simply how I am.
I actually prefer to be with people; I love social interaction, I love conversing. I just need almost as much time alone. That is to say, I am accustomed to getting as much time alone. My husband’s work takes him away all week, so up until I had the baby, it was just me and the dog during the weeks here. I lived the half life of a bachelorette. I must say, having the baby has saved me from loneliness more than I ever could have imagined. She’s like my new best friend. I prefer to be with her, honestly. As a Stay-at-Home, I have also become accustomed to having her with me 24/7.
As she keeps growing and we bond more and more every day, I find myself changing more and more. My “self” is changing to include her as well. I’m “alone” with Celie a lot of the time, but I am not really alone. Sure, she isn’t an adult capable of intellectual debate and stimulating conversation, but she fulfills my social needs in a way I could never have comprehended before. Don’t get me wrong, I still need time away from her, I still need time completely alone, and I still need time to be social without her, but I am growing more and more each day. I believe I am being re-socialized by my daughter; she is making me co-dependent. This is something I have kind of had a battle against since my husband and I got together. I had to detach myself in a way from the loneliness I felt every time he left me or I would never be able to live the life that we do. Even though I still feel this loneliness every day he is gone, my daughter is helping me to not feel so alone and feel more okay with him leaving me so much.
As she keeps growing and we bond more and more every day, I find myself changing more and more. My “self” is changing to include her as well. I’m “alone” with Celie a lot of the time, but I am not really alone. Sure, she isn’t an adult capable of intellectual debate and stimulating conversation, but she fulfills my social needs in a way I could never have comprehended before. Don’t get me wrong, I still need time away from her, I still need time completely alone, and I still need time to be social without her, but I am growing more and more each day. I believe I am being re-socialized by my daughter; she is making me co-dependent. This is something I have kind of had a battle against since my husband and I got together. I had to detach myself in a way from the loneliness I felt every time he left me or I would never be able to live the life that we do. Even though I still feel this loneliness every day he is gone, my daughter is helping me to not feel so alone and feel more okay with him leaving me so much.
Overall, I am a homebody. I enjoy spending quality personal time with my family and that is what I choose to do most times. I also would never be what I am today without the social stimulation of my friends. I have learned things in solitude that one can never learn in social circles. I have, in turn, learned many things in a social circle that one can never learn in solitude. Although I have come far and overcome many personal obstacles, I continue to walk the thin line between social butterfly and social outcast.
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