Earlier this year I packed away my canvas and oil paints as a necessity but also as a symbol of the sacrifices of motherhood. There is no way I could oil paint with my Indigo child present; I can barely shower and shit as it is. Too much mess and involvement in that hobby to do around a monkey. It was sad, but I didn't paint all that often anyway, so I could wait a few years to do it again. Right? There was still that creative itch. I'm realizing there really is a hands on artist in me that loves and wants to draw, paint, mix, blend, shade, sketch...wants to create images with her hands. I just put her away somewhere and stopped letting her hone the skill. I thought I could vent this into my other activities, but that's apples and oranges. I can't scratch my drawing/painting itch with music. Writing doesn't and can't replace my desire to make colorful art with my fingers. Texture. I need to feel something being created, blend with my fingertips again. I needed some watercolor pencils, pastels or charcoal and such. I took it upon myself to decide it was time to repay myself the karma I made this past December. Sometimes, you have to take the bull by the horns with the Universe. I jest, but let me explain.
Last December at Christmas season I was presented with a moral dilemma. It was hard. Not so much to decide what to do, that I knew, but it was so hard to give up the prize. The booty. The loot. The goods. It was like it was meant for me?!?! It was like the Universe was fucking with me...or was it presenting me with a gift?? Which one was it?? Ah!! Anyway...
We were late Christmas shopping and my husband was waiting in the car as I ran into Petco, I believe. When I got back into the car I saw a Michael's bag and was intrigued (along with Staples, the book store, and Lowe's, that is one place I can get lost in for hours.) My husband explained a woman had came out of Michael's and tossed the bag in the back hatch of her vehicle, but it didn't shut and the bag ended up falling out onto the ground. He tried to flag her down but she just drove off. Was it a gift? WHAT WAS IN THE BAG?? Oh, it was magnificent, like it was meant for me. It was a brand spanking new set of 24 Staedtler watercolor pencils and a big old watercolor tablet to go with it. I have been wanting a set for so long!! I used to have a set but it was only a set of 12....and was cheap. It was nowhere near as magnificent as this Staedtler set! The receipt was in the bag, the person paid with a credit card, and I didn't have to look at the total to tell you it was a find (but the actual total was over 80 dollars, yo!)
I sat there with that precious gift on my lap wondering what to do with it for a little bit. Would the lady ever come back? If she doesn't, can they find her somehow from the receipt? If she didn't come back for them and they don't do that, I may as well have not done it?! WHAT!?! Dilemma. "What are you gonna do?" my husband asked. It was down to me and my morals. I handled the beautiful art set, a decent one like I'd never had and have always wanted, and I knew what I had to do. I knew my real value of what was in that bag, and if the owner or gift receiver was like me, they would be pretty damn bummed about its loss.
I stepped up to the counter at Michael's. "Can I help you?" "Um, yeah...I have a moral dilemma" I told the lady. I explained what had happened and asked if there was any way they could locate the woman from the receipt. She said they weren't allowed to do that, and that most times people will come back. Most times. Geez, lady. So, I left the goods at the counter hoping to hell that bag wasn't meant for me...and that this mystery woman would realize her items missing and think to check with the store.
So, I feel I earned some good karma. I did what I thought to be the right thing despite my selfish wants. It was time to reward myself. I have been itching to use watercolor pencils again, having loved them before, because I figured it would be a little easier to use around the kiddo. I was right. Tonight, while Celie sat beside me on the couch as we watched Yellow Submarine, I played around with my new toys getting myself reacquainted with the feel. It has been quite awhile but it was still just as sensational. I colored a simple picture to paint in, and Celie even helped me a little with the pencils and the brush. Goal!! I scratched the drawing itch and painting itch simultaneously! That's like killing two itches with one scratch! I successfully created art tonight with my toddler sitting beside me! Take that, motherhood!