It is pathetic how few pictures I have of Celie after the moment she started walking. It’s mostly pathetic, I supposed, because that moment was over a year ago, actually, around 15 whole months ago. What the heck is wrong with me? She’s just so damn fast, most of them are either blurry, or she isn’t even in the picture because she moved out of frame before the shutter opened.
I have some pictures, but I haven’t had a chance (chasing, apparently) to get them uploaded or anything. I’m constantly snapping pictures on my phone and I have a good amount of them but I need to put them into some sort of order out of chaos. I need to get some of them uploaded and for gawd’s sake I need to take a family photo of us!! My husband is still carrying my high school graduation photo in his wallet, which is ironic because he didn’t even know me in high school. It’s bad. For taking photography in college, it is incredibly pathetic. There is just no better word for it!
I guess partially why you get to feeling so bad and like a such a documentary failure, is because you start out of the gate strong as hell! As a new parent you are taking pictures of every trivial, inane thing that your child does, stumbles upon, eats, or touches. You spend so much time snapping pictures of anything you can, that I imagine you get a little burnt out on the entire process. This is, mind you, all while your child is easily controllable, although you don't realize it at the time because the critter is not mobile. Destruction is a talent developed slowly by babies, most don't get very good at it until they are toddling. And once this happens, there goes a good amount of the time you had to piss around playing photographer. You are able to maintain a decent representation of the growing child form, but if your child is active and/or curious you soon start to spend a lot more time on the defense.
It’s hard enough being a mom and keeping track of all this stuff. Does it really matter that I write down the moment that she does everything? Will her life have any less value? Is she going to come to me as a teen and tell me she is deeply affected and in distress because she can't find a picture of the first time she tried spaghetti or drank chocolate milk or touched a butterfly? Probably not, but there is still that guilt that you feel as a mother because as soon as you mate it’s like you are supposed to document and photograph as much as you are changing diapers and feeding. Well, not me, apparently, but I do vow to be better, for posterity's sake.
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