Sunday, February 10, 2013

The Control Spectrum: Nature's Dramamine

WHILE on the way home just now from Philly after Christal thanked me for letting her drive my car down I had a muse about car sickness.
Christal is an in control chick.  I'm not saying she has control issues, I'm just saying she is her most comfortable when in control of things.  I like that about her.  She also gets very car sick.  She thanked me because had she had to ride shot gun as I am or in the back of the car she would have become horribly ill.  She is okay or at best in a vehicle when driving and is doing an excellent job, I might add.  I thought about my sister and how she gets ill in cars as well.  I mused about myself.  I am not so bad, but I do tend to feel nauseous and unwell at times unless I am either A. Driving or B. Riding shot gun.  The back seat makes me sick.  I wondered if it could be a control issue.

I thought about the different powerful metaphors in the symbol of the vehicle.  Seeing it as a means of viewing reality, and a spectrum of control, I mused it was like this. 
While driving we are in control and at our best.  Christal is uneasy unless in the driver's seat.  She needs to create her circumstances and retain control of her vehicle to remain at ease.  I am the most at ease with controlling the vehicle, or with at least a driver's side view of the matter.  I can see what's coming at least and brace myself.  I am still at ease with this position on the spectrum.  The back seat, however, makes me uneasy.  I have been known to get head aches and feel nauseous and just basically out of sorts.  I'm not as okay with having vehicular blinders on, with not knowing what is coming at me or what I am heading towards.  I prefer to be aware, as opposed to back seat driving, following the chauffeur's intent, putting my full trust into their decisions and steering.  The chauffeur.  Who the hell is driving  this car anyway?

The more control we have over our situation the more at ease we feel.  But is the point to accept the lack of control?  If it is, then I fail.  Letting go, of anything, is one of the hardest tasks in the world.  We want to know, that we are either heading in the direction that we want, have hold of the reins, or at least are aware of where we are going.  It makes us physically ill to give up control and sit in the back seat, only aware of certain turns or attractions and able to see less of the road ahead.

But isn't that the point I'm always trying to make?  That we are to learn to accept chaos in all of its forms, to go with the flow of the river, limp through the air like a drunk thrown from their vehicle.  If you are slack and limp when you hit the ground you have a better chance of a soft landing.  We are not in control, but in a mutual free fall of sorts with our vehicle.  We are back seat driving off the cliff as I say. We need to let go and flow with the chaos.  This trip has taught me much. Sometimes you miss your exit and you have to move mountains to find your way home.  'If you never get lost, how will you ever find yourself?'

You're either the driver, the passenger or the back seat driver in life.  Perhaps there is a time to be each.  What seat do you prefer for the journey?  Are you okay with being lost?

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