Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Never-ending 30 Day Challenge: "A Picture of Something That Has Made a Huge Impact on Your Life Recently"

Day 17 - A Picture of Something That Has Made a Huge Impact on Your Life Recently
"The Dichotomy of Existence"

There have been many things that have made a huge impact on my life recently, i.e. chiropractic care, my pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, postpartum issues, tongue ties, my child, my friendships, soul searching, death, life, the end of old, beginning of new, etc.  There has been, however, a definite theme, I believe.  These past months have been an era of symbolic change for me.  My buddy Boyd told me when we announced we were pregnant, “Babies change everything!”  Everyone understands this as truth before the fact; you still don’t realize how true it is until it actually happens.  Nobody could have predicted at the time how the Universe would unfold.  I replied to him, “I hope so!”  I was at a point in my life where I desperately wanted that change.  I wanted to feel like what I was doing, even though it was exhausting and challenging me, was making a difference.  I wanted to contribute to the bigger picture.  Even though my pregnancy wasn’t too rough on me, it is still a feat giving up your body for almost a year to an unseen force.  Pregnancy is a time of hope.  The worst was yet to come.  Creation was brewing within me.  I enjoyed spending time with my friends---time, I felt, we would never have again in the same way.  It was all too true.  The time passed us by, as it always does.  My baby grew in my belly.  My friendships grew in my heart.  I wanted that change, but had no idea just how different things would become.  As my baby would emerge from the womb, so would our lives emerge from underneath the umbrella of innocence that had been sheltering our celebration. 

I gave birth to my first baby Thursday, August 26, 2010.  My buddy Boyd died Thursday, September 9, 2010.  I know dates are irrelevant; it still happened, but the proximity of each event to the other made death a little easier and life a little harder.  Everything in life seems to become irrelevant when you stare at death.  Everything, that is, but life.  That is where my head has been lately.  Life vs. Death.  The great battle played itself out in my head and before my eyes.  With my beautiful baby girl in my arms, it felt as though I had most certainly won, while my friend, on the other hand, had greatly lost.  In truth, I suppose it was all of us that lost.  If observed from the proper perspective, it was also all of us that truly won.  We had the lesson; it was simply time for it to be over.  I was left feeling as though I hadn’t taken enough notes. 

It was another lesson for me handling the end of one life on top of the beginning of another.  I struggled with some postpartum/depression.  It was certainly a lot of change to take in at once.  I kept thinking about all of those who were or had been in situations far worse than mine---those who lost more than I lost and gained combined.  Even though it was definitely harder having a newborn baby during my initial time of grieving, she also helped me through it.   I suppose this is the cycle, laid out where the overlapping edges can be seen.  We have life, because there is death.  We can’t accept this life and all of the wonder that it has to offer us without acknowledging that death will one day come.  We can’t have the light without the dark, the day without the night, or the Yin without the Yang.  There would be no death without birth.  There can be no birth without death.  

“With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” – Max Ehrmann, Desiderata 

["A Picture of Something That Has Made a Huge Impact on Your Life Recently" originally posted to Facebook Mar. 08, 2011]

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