November Blog #29: "Urination! Nature's Alarm Clock"

NaBloPoMo Prompt of the Day (Nov 29): What is the last thing you do before bed?

I have always struggled with establishing a routine to my daily life, but regardless of the flaws in mine, I do have some resemblance of a structure to my day.  I am usually up for a couple of hours after my daughter is in bed, like now.  I am usually on the computer, like now.  I will usually start getting tired…like now.  I will get dressed in my pajamas and all brushed and ready for bed and then come out to either play on the computer a little bit more (like now) or sit and either read for awhile or watch some TV for a few minutes.

Then, I get up and shut all of the lights off.  I then go and let Buster in if I haven’t already done so, and then turn off the outside light as well as deadbolt the door.  I go back to bed, but before I do, the last thing I do before bed is go into the bathroom…and pee.  Urination!!  I almost always pee before going to bed.  I also routinely pee before leaving the house and usually before leaving any place that I am at, aside from the grocery store or something.  Home or residences, I will usually pee before heading out into the world again.  I don’t know why; it’s a mystery.  Just a habit.  I like to have an empty bladder for what is in store for me...and for tonight, as I lay there trying to fall asleep, so the last thing I do before I go to bed is drain the system and prepare for shut down. 

November Blog #28: "The Gift That Keeps on Giving"

NaBloPoMo Prompt of the Day (Nov 28): Describe an heirloom that has been passed down in your family. What is its significance to you?

I can’t really think of any heirlooms in my family that have been passed down.  There doesn’t seem to be a physical item that has been passed down through the family for years and years, although, my sister was handed down an important tool---an instrument of purpose.

Google says an heirloom is “a valuable object that has belonged to a family for several generations”.  If I were to think of an item like that in my family it wouldn’t be physical per se, and I would have to say music. 

Music is a very big driving force in my family.  You couldn’t really show up to a family event without someone breaking into song together, or alone.  We’re whimsical and goofy and it’s wonderful.  My family loves music and are always incorporating it into our lives.  My maternal grandfather traveled around playing in a jazz band before my mother was born.  My grandparents’ first children were raised on the road, swinging in hammocks rigged up in the backs of cars, unheard of today, but perfectly safe and necessary for “living” on the road back then. 

After they had a couple more children, my grandparents settled down.  By the time my mother was born and growing up they were settled into a home and Pap Pap was working a normal job as a machinist.  He was still playing music around local establishments occasionally, though.  The man could play so many instruments.  I don’t have the best memory of him.  He was pretty old by the time I had memory of such things.  I never heard him play any of his instruments, but hear tell of how my father would just sit and watch Pap Pap play, mesmerized.  I wish I had the opportunity to hear him play the sax, which was his most played instrument.  He always played the clarinet, the violin, the xylophone, I think, and a few others perhaps.  I wish that I could have got to know him in this life.  Regardless, I think that it is neat that his “heirloom” of music has traveled down the generations.  I play the acoustic guitar and often wonder if his talents inspired me to learn.  I watch my daughter’s love for music and wonder if she inherited anything from him. 

We were “turned on” to music by my mother.  She was constantly watching videos (Night Tracks, who remembers that???!), or listening to records, 8 tracks or the radio.  This was no doubt inspired by her father’s appreciation of music.  In turn, it has given me and all of my siblings a love for music.  In turn, again, it is giving perhaps my daughter a love for it as well.  Pap Pap’s alto sax that he used to play was actually given to my younger sister to play in the band in school.  She played this sax her entire time in the band.  It is a relatively old sax and the people at a music shop tried to talk my mother into selling them that one and buying one from them.  Had she not know its worth, we might not have it with us today in my sister’s playing hands.  It isn’t just a slightly old saxophone that is worth a little bit of cash, it is an instrument handed down that has transcended the generation gap.  I guess it could be considered an “heirloom” or sorts, or a symbol for the true heirloom that was handed down through the generations---the love of music. 

November Blog #27: "The Way Things Are"

I’m retroactively writing this blog because it was a free one.  Whatever, it’s only by a day or two.  So, take it as it is.  I need a little rant.

Monday (the day after this blog was to be posted) I had a mini case of the blues.  I don’t know what it is, but rainy days and Mondays…always get me down.  I had just got the baby to bed and sat down in the recliner chair in the living room and looked at the clock.  It was roughly 5 or so after 8:00.  I just sat there.  And then came the frown.  And then I had to have a little pity party and feel bad for myself for a minute or two.  Here it was after 8, the baby was just down to bed, I was sitting down to my evening time, whatever that was to include, and I got sad that it included me alone in the recliner chair at a time when most husbands are home from work and spending a short amount of time with their wives before they go to sleep to repeat their day tomorrow.  I don’t have this. 

Joey works away all week usually at least 2 to 3 hours away from our home.  He has tied rebar (reinforcement bar in iron work) since before I met him, this is what he has done and he tells me this when we talk about it because we discuss it a bit.  I understand this.  I am proud of him for advancing himself in construction as far as he has; he makes a living to provide for his family and works very hard doing this.  It is tremendously difficult for him to be away from us also, and sometimes I feel  I forget about that when I am being sad for myself and getting on him; wasting time we are together being sad about the fact that it is only 30% of our time.  (I did the actual math to figure out how many days out of the year we actually see each other and it was fairly depressing.)

I usually do pretty well.  Truth be told, though, when we first moved here I did cry almost every time he left for work, a few sad miss you tears and a lonely place in my heart.  Sometimes he left back then on a Sunday afternoon because he was working in West Virginia a lot.  It always seems sadder when he leaves in the afternoon, driving off into the sunset, as apposed to leaving me with a kiss and a hug in the morning, half asleep sucking up his left over warmth in our bed.  It’s a hard way of life and in some ways I am a single mother, but I can’t imagine what he feels on his end, too.  I couldn’t imagine sitting in a hotel room most of my life, wishing I was with my family.  I am grateful, though, for my husbands sacrifice so that we can live the way that we do. 

I have Drifting Sun as a small business, but honestly, it doesn’t exactly rake us in the dollars.  I’ve been lucky if I can pay our car payment for us once in a blue moon when enough profit is saved.  Most other funds go back into sustaining the little business.  I have thought long and hard for years and it has plagued me…my purpose, my vocation, my role.  I always felt that I should contribute more than I could at home.  I was raised to not feel satisfied with someone providing for me, but in recent reflections I wouldn’t rather be any where else.  I pay for this with my husband’s absence, but I also gain the opportunity to be a 24/7 mama to my daughter.  With all of the uncertainties of life and how crazy things get and how fast time goes, I would honestly not want to be anywhere else right now than at home with my daughter.  Not where I "belong", but where I choose to be. 

I am very grateful to have a good group of friends that keeps me chipper and happy.  If it wasn’t for my baby girl, some days I probably just wouldn’t get out of bed.  And if it wasn’t for my friends, some days I probably wouldn’t get dressed.  I am thankful for my family and friends that keep me company while Joey is away.  As I was saying, though, it isn’t only being lonely that gets to me.  There is something in this lifestyle that can’t be resolved by visits to family and friends popping in.  It does essentially suck that my partner and mate is gone so much, it leaves me with a sort of permanent place of solitude within me.  I can put on a good face, but things do bother me.  And it gets to me.  I’m sad a lot.  And I do well, but sometimes I just have to have a pity party for a minute or two and then I get over it.  Incidentally, after my solitary recliner reflection, friends ended up stopping by and hanging out for a little while in the evening.  It really cheered me up and put me in better spirits, that’s for sure.  Just when I was feeling low, the silver lining shows up to lift my spirits.  It sure is good having pals. 

I know this is the way things are, at least for now anyway.  We’re always open to something that could possibly be in our future that would allow my husband to be home, but we’re so used to our routine now, we might go crazy if exposed to each other so often. Haah!  My husband is in the Ironworker’s Union, though, and he has a trade that he worked a long time to establish.  I am very proud of his ability to take care of his family like he does.  He is a great man, with excellent work ethic.  He’s a great provider and still helps me out around the house when he is home on the weekends.  He is a great support and has helped me through so many things in my life; I don’t know what I would do without him.  I also don’t know what I would do with myself if I saw him more.

We live double lives, but meet in the middle at the end.  When we’re together, I’m together. 

November Blog #26: "“The Contacts Removed: My 4 Straight Weeks in Soft Lenses"

"I Can See Clearly Now..."

I took my contacts out today.  My Acuvue with Hydraclear contacts have beenamazing, but my eyes needed a break.  I sit here in my glasses.  It was an adjustment getting back to wearing the glasses again.  At first they seemed like such mechanical instruments; so foreign and weird.  I could definitely tell right away how distorted my vision sort of is through my glasses.  They sit farther off of my eyes than contacts.  They are a little old so they are bent and scratched up. 

With this experiment I found that contacts intended forweekly wear can comfortably make it up until a month of wear.  I also only had saline solution for use during this month, up until around 2 days prior to removal.  I think that this “experiment” proved that I can definitely get more wear out of my lenses than they are intended for even with sub par conditions.  I am excited to order new boxes of contacts and get into the swing of wearing them again practically. 

November Blog #25: "Giving Is Recieving"

NaBloPoMo Prompt of the Day (Nov 25): Do you like to buy presents ahead of time or right when you need to give them?

Well, I like to buy ahead of time, but I also procrastinate with everything that I do.  I do generally always end up with a couple of gifts at Christmas time that I have acquired for people over the year.  This can be somewhat of a relief, but I usually wait until the last minute to buy the majority of my gifts for people.

Buying ahead of time has its advantages.  It’s usually a gift that you have seen and thought that someone would enjoy it.  If it is purchased with a definite a receiver in mind, that is great!  Personalizing your gifts is a must, I feel.  Sometimes, buying them at the last minute is a good opportunity to actually “cram” and really try to get into your friend or family member’s head and think of what they enjoy and would like the most. 

I would like to do more buying ahead, but the trouble is the planning.  Some people have gifts that they purchase just to have on hand to give people.  While this concept is great and would be an incredible time saver as well as ensuring that you seldom miss an occasion to gift, it seems like it would be a tad more generic.  I would like to have small gifts that I keep on hand for this, but generally get everyone something special. 

Giving gifts is a tough job!  Who would have thought that giving someone something would be so hard!  Being prepared and buying ahead can be efficient, but I think that it’s important to add personal touches when giving gifts.  In an ideal world, everything would be exactly what our loved ones wanted, wrapped perfectly, bow tied, and labeled.  In an ideal world, right?  Well, I come from an I.Deal world.  I would like to plan ahead and have gifts taken care of prior to the time I need to give them, but I deal with the fact that I don’t.  ;) 

November Blog #24: "Alone vs. A Loner"

NaBloPoMo Prompt of the Day (Nov 24): Do you enjoy being alone? Would you rather be around other people?

I think that I probably answered this question when I blogged about my secret pleasure.  In retrospect, I guess it really wasn’t much of a secret.  It’s pretty obvious to me, and to some, but I suppose to others it wouldn’t be.  Maybe that is why I chose it.  Would I rather be alone or around people?  I always described myself as an introverted extrovert.  This may be a silly contradictory phrase, but it really does make perfect sense for me.  Vice versa would hold true, as well; I am also an extroverted introvert. 

www.righteousmonster.com

I grew up in a decent sized family.  There were six of us all together.  I had 3 siblings, two younger sisters and an older brother.  Not big by older standards by any means, but 4 children is quite a bit for today.  I was the second child, but the oldest daughter.  Sometimes it felt as though I was the oldest in general.  It goes without saying that the first born is born into a deal of responsibility in the hierarchy of a family, and being the first of three girls and so close to my brother in age, I was no different. 

Although being in a big family forced me to interact with people throughout most of my days, I also preferred to spend a lot of time in my room and/or alone as a child.  I didn’t dislike my family, per se; all families have issues.  As I mentioned in my blog about my secret pleasure, I am not sure if I am just innately like this or I became this way because of conditions during my development.  It’s just simply how I am. 

I actually prefer to be with people; I love social interaction, I love conversing.  I just need almost as much time alone.  That is to say, I am accustomed to getting as much time alone.  My husband’s work takes him away all week, so up until I had the baby, it was just me and the dog during the weeks here.  I lived the half life of a bachelorette.  I must say, having the baby has saved me from loneliness more than I ever could have imagined.  She’s like my new best friend.  I prefer to be with her, honestly.  As a Stay-at-Home, I have also become accustomed to having her with me 24/7. 

As she keeps growing and we bond more and more every day, I find myself changing more and more.   My “self” is changing to include her as well.  I’m “alone” with Celie a lot of the time, but I am not really alone.  Sure, she isn’t an adult capable of intellectual debate and stimulating conversation, but she fulfills my social needs in a way I could never have comprehended before.  Don’t get me wrong, I still need time away from her, I still need time completely alone, and I still need time to be social without her, but I am growing more and more each day.  I believe I am being re-socialized by my daughter; she is making me co-dependent.  This is something I have kind of had a battle against since my husband and I got together.  I had to detach myself in a way from the loneliness I felt every time he left me or I would never be able to live the life that we do.  Even though I still feel this loneliness every day he is gone, my daughter is helping me to not feel so alone and feel more okay with him leaving me so much. 

Overall, I am a homebody.  I enjoy spending quality personal time with my family and that is what I choose to do most times.  I also would never be what I am today without the social stimulation of my friends.  I have learned things in solitude that one can never learn in social circles.  I have, in turn, learned many things in a social circle that one can never learn in solitude.  Although I have come far and overcome many personal obstacles, I continue to walk the thin line between social butterfly and social outcast. 

November Blog #23: "A Golden Hill of My Own"

NaBloPoMo Prompt of the Day (Nov 23): Write about a piece of music that changed your life. What do you feel when you hear it now?

Music in general has pretty much shaped most of my life, but if I had to pick a piece that has technically “changed” my life, I would have to probably pick Bron-Yr-Aur by Led Zeppelin.  It was this timelessly wordless acoustic piece of music that my husband and I walked down the aisle to in 2007---well, we walked out of the chicken coup to it, anyway, and through the yard to stand between two trees to take the vows that would make us husband and wife.  It seemed the best piece of music to back our stroll down the marital lane.  Its notes played us into the beginning of our married life together, the final strum starting the ceremony.  

I think that describing this song with words would be easier than describing what I feel when I listen to this song.  The feeling brought on by this song has changed in me over time, but through the course of the “relationship” I have with it, it has symbolized perhaps the intricacies of life and the domino effect of consequence…pieces falling into place…the fragility of the balance maintained throughout life…the road of destiny.  It was a piece that mimicked the flow of life to me, perhaps, picked out in perfect time by one of the greatest guitarists (IMHO). The winding down at the end nudges you into the beautiful unexpected and that last strum seems to symbolize the start of something, or maybe the end of something, or even both.   

During the height of my stress especially, during times I was sure that I was lost and on a road to nowhere and I needed to gather myself, I would sit in front of my computer, and unwind by listening to mp3’s.  I had collected the Led Zeppelin discography song by song during my “spare” time in college.  I find that when times are stressful I start collecting and organizing my music library, like a mad woman collecting things for her home, a loony bird crafting its musical nest.  Many a time, I sat with eyes closed listening to Bron-Yr-Aur at my computer, Nag Champa burning away.  The song gave me hope.  Not to mention I respected its simplistic complexity as a guitar dabbler.  I could die happy if I could ever play, let alone a compose something like that.  

Bron-Yr-Aur, Photo from Wikipedia

Bron-Yr-Aur, which is Welsh for "golden hill", "breast of the gold" or "hill of the gold", is the name of a cabin in which Robert Plant and Jimmy Page stayed for a time in 1970 and wrote Bron-Yr-Aur as well as some other songs included on Led Zeppelin III.  (Bron-Yr-Aur is actually on the Physical Graffiti album).  This was a cabin Plant’s family used for holidays, it was without electricity and running water and is the place Page says he first got to really know Plant one on one.  Plant also allegedly claims Jimmy Page’s daughter Scarlet was conceived minutes after writing That’s the Way.  Interesting side notes. 

I always felt that Bron-Yr-Aur seemed like such a lovely place to go; its soundtrack seemed so amazing and timeless.  Although I have never been to Bron-Yr-Aur, a part of its tranquility reached me perhaps through the songs it inspired.  I have been changed by many songs, but this song has seen me through some hard times, and has played me into some great ones.  I would listen to it with my eyes closed and welling up; marveling at the beauty of fingers on strings, notes that left me dreaming of my future and hopeful that I one day too would fall into place.