Saturday, August 2, 2014

Staring Into the Rising Sun

This picture has been my Facebook profile picture for over a year now.  I took this picture last June while on vacation with my family in Rodanthe, North Carolina.  I had never been to the Outer Banks before and I had also never seen a sunrise over the ocean.  I have kept this as my profile picture for so long because it just seems so fitting for this time in my life, for after all of the darkness, I am finally watching the sunrise. 

There's something about nature I have always loved;  I have always found God there.  Solitary moments in nature have always been when I receive my best advice.  They say God whispers.  Well, what better time to listen than when alone with the trees, the streams, or the critters that It has created.  I just happened upon this rising sun that morning at the beach, even though watching one was on my list of things for the week.  I had woken up to use the bathroom and afterward noted the time and realized that the sun would be coming up in less than a half an hour, so I left my husband and daughter sleeping in bed and slipped out onto the balcony outside our room to have an intimate moment with The Universe.

The sky had already started to turn a rosy pink at the horizon as the light of day prepared to peak over the Atlantic Ocean.  I sat in anticipation with my camera taking a handful of videos and pictures of the incredibly slow and unfolding process.  Isn't that what recovery could be called?  That sun was me.  I was that rising sun!  Slowly the sky grew in color, and every second you thought for sure that golden ball would pop up, but no...not yet.  Wait for it.  

Shade by shade the sky changed and there was such an expansive sense of Greatness...and persistence.  Everyday the Sun does this!  Every single day!  Regardless of what or who is watching, every single day the sun will rise and shine, like clockwork.  It gets the job done.  It sheds light on the shadows of Earth.  No days off for the sun.  On this day, I was watching.  I was listening, I was feeling.  I was believing.  I was in a different place.  I had just started therapy and meds at the beginning of that year.  I knew that I had a long journey ahead of me but still couldn't fathom the turns I would be making.

So there I was...waiting for it...on the balcony at the beach.  A million things flew through my mind as I waited eagerly.  Metaphorically speaking, in my mental progress I was waiting too...I was waiting for the sun, patiently watching for but unable yet to see solid proof of progress.  Tom Petty, musical guru that he is, was right when he said that this is the hardest part!  Phase one--The Waiting.  Waiting can seem like a delay of progress, but it is actually a quite necessary part of it.  My mind was full of thoughts until I was moved to mental silence by the first sliver of Light to break across the horizon.  

I was in awe as I watched the Sun cut into the pink sky it had been warming up this entire time.  There is something romantic about this moment in time, this fleeting moment of transition when the sun moves across the horizon and onto its vast palette of sky.  It goes so fast but also seems to be happening in slow motion.  Phase two--The Rising, had begun.  That's where I am now.  I was moved to tears in that intimate moment with the rising sun.  It was as if I was witnessing a birth as that shining head of Sun tore through the great Yoni of Life.  It slowly slipped out from behind the horizon and then was delivered into the Sky!  The birth of the day!!  It was a beautiful thing.

I am still experiencing the labor of my Light and feeling the pains of my awakening.  I'm doing my work.  I have been diligent and I finally have started to see positive results...but I have yet to shine.  After coming this far I fully understand now why some people choose to never do their work and move across the fire.  Some never face the sun, because it IS work.  If you do it right, it's uncomfortable for awhile.  It'll definitely make you squirm.  You leave your comfort zone of unconscious living in order to shine as bright as you can.  Well, I'm dying to shine.  Phase three is The Shining, and I'm on my way.  You Wait...You Rise...You Shine.

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