Thursday, March 1, 2012

Top 10 Things I Learned in My First Year and a Half as a Mother...

I haven’t blogged anything in too long.  It’s not like I haven’t been writing, I suppose I just haven’t been in the mood to blog.  I wrote some words on the inescapable pull of the Oatmeal Crème Pie.  I wrote a song while my Pap was in ICU in the hospital.  I’ve been here.  But I’ve been gone.
What I would like to discuss now is my daughter.  She turned 18 months old on Sunday.  18 fucking months old.  That’s a year and a half for those who are math challenged (me).  What have I learned in 18 months of mothering?  Oh, let’s make this more fun than sentimental waxing mama and I’ll give the touchy feely a proper blog.  Top 10 Things I Learned in my First Year and a Half as a Mother…GO! 

Top 10 Things I Learned in my First Year and a Half as a Mother…

10.    “Babies aren’t as fun as they look!”  - Boyd Lucas

9.        Breastfeeding a tongue-tied baby is more exhausting than the pushing stage of labor!

8.        Eventually bodily fluids are of little consequence; you learn to not care what is stuck to or smeared on you or what you are elbow deep in.

7.          In a pinch, a Carmex tube can successfully be used as a spoon at a Beatlemania concert.

6.        Nothing is leak proof, spill proof, or resistant to anything.  Everything they tell you is a lie.

5.        Your guess is as good as “theirs”.  Who the hell are “they” anyway?

4.        After kids learn to walk, pictures start turning out a lot worse and are more of a chore and test of patience . 

  1. Once talking starts you find out what your favorite “catch phrases” are and training yourself to remove swear words from your vocabulary is harder than you think.

  1. Distraction is your best friend if you ever want to accomplish anything ever again in your life once toddlerhood hits.

1.   It gets better and worse every day.  ;D

All in fun, but serious just the same,
Missie Sue

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