BOOK REVIEW: Savor

Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life by Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung was a very interesting read. This book was able to combine a great amount of nutritional information with mindfulness practices. 

As Cheung highlights better eating choices and patterns, Thay's mindful action plans are woven around them. This approach utilizes breathing exercises and the untying of your internal knots. Mindful Eating is discussed as well as Mindful Movement. The book is filled with practical meditations you can practice daily to improve your mindfulness with food and exercise. 

One of the biggest things I got from this book was the discussion of the nutrients we physically ingest as well as the nutriments, which includes all of our interests we take in, people we engage with, media we consume. These nutriments have as big of an impact on our psyche as the nutrients we consume have on our body. It is best to be aware and mindful of everything that we are ingesting in our daily lives. 

BOOK REVIEW: How To Eat

How To Eat by Thich Nhat Hanh was a fun little book. It's a pocket book, so it is small in size but vast in truth. It is filled with small passages pertaining to food, eating, drinking, and cooking. The main teaching of this book is mindful eating, experiencing your food with all of your senses and seeing all of the Universe in every meal that you consume. The orange is nourished by the sun, the soil and the rain, and thus contains those aspects of the Universe and, in turn, we are nourished by it. 

Thay explains how the monks eat together in silence and refrain from chewing and swallowing their problems along with their food. He suggests similing as you eat with friends and experiencing them in the moment as well. In these meditations he talks about everything from the proper way to do the dishes to the Five Contemplations we should always consider when eating. 

How To Eat was a quick yet enlightening read, and because of that I will probably enjoy this book again sometime. I am sure I would get something out of a second helping of these simple yet profound teachings.

BOOK REVIEW: The Tao of Eating

The Tao of Eating is a wonderful book! It is up there with Eating in the Light of the Moon for me, and it was actually a recommendation from Johnston, so it makes sense. 

The Tao is known as "the way". This book focuses on the Tao of eating versus the way of dieting. The author explains how to "undiet" and eat according to your desires, for your mind, body, and also your soul. She advocates having a soulful relationship with food, deeming no food off limits, no time of day taboo for eating--NO RULES regarding food, and no eating with the goal of losing weight at all!

Some of the suggestions seem rather radical, but only if you still believe what you have been taught by the way of dieting. When I started applying these practices to my life I felt a little out of control and uncomfortable not restricting ANYTHING from my body. Especially because I am recovering from disordered eating patterns, this book was helpful in supporting me in eliminating all eating restrictions. The theory is your body will find its balance once again as you are applying no negative beliefs or thoughts to food. This was a slightly scary yet liberating experience,

Aligned with the teachings found in the Tao te Ching, the main text of Taoism, The Tao of Eating explains how to live a diet free lifestyle and truly find your soul using the cues your eating patterns have to offer you if you choose to listen. It is suggested that we listen to our body's cravings in order to bring awareness to its needs.

BOOK REVIEW: The Only Diet There Is

The Only Diet There Is by Sondra Ray is quite a different book. This is basically another LOA read about weight and body image. The author explains that our way of thinking about ourselves is of the utmost importance when it comes to reaching and maintaining our ideal weight. She discusses psychological reasons for your extra weight and explores your belief system about your body and food. This isn't a diet in the normal sense, but a diet from negative thinking. According to Ray, it is this negative thinking that is sabotaging our attempts at weight loss.

This book is a little crunchy, but very therapeutic if you read it with an open mind and allow it to sink in. It is heavy on God and uber heavy on affirmations. The author explains that it is our thoughts about the food we consume that make it "good" or "bad". I actually wrote out ALL of the affirmations in this book. Some of them are pretty ridiculous seeming, but others really hit on some key reasons why people have weight issues and clicked with me. I see the affirmations as a tool to re-frame your subconscious mind and in affect change your belief systems about your body, food, and eating. 

In changing our mind, I can see where the affirmations could be helpful, as affirmations in general are great tools for change, but I can also see where many people could hate this book with a passion and believe it is utter bull shit because of their absurdity. It really is about what you believe. Self-change is a lofty endeavor for anyone, but you might have better results by starting from the inside. Your weight is a physical symptom of something else that is going on and it is true that in any weight loss attempt the best thing to change is your mind. As within, so without! 

BOOK REVIEW: Why Quantum Physicists Don't Get Fat

This was a different read. It was an interesting take on diet and unwanted weight from a quantum physics perspective. I found it interesting, while being also a little absurd. All in all, though, still an interesting and informative read. It describes how our belief systems are what essentially manifest things into existence, through our thoughts and emotions. How we feel about what we eat or do not eat or how we move our bodies, according to Kuhn, is what will determine the outcome.

The author first explains the difference between classical physics and quantum physics. He describes the first scientific revolution as the action-based paradigm and says the rules for most diets you were taught come from this paradigm. He suggests you shift your paradigms and embrace the laws of quantum physics, which are the energy-based paradigm and the holistic paradigm. Our bodies aren't machines, but rather a group of complex systems that are greater than the sum of their parts.

A lot of this is Law of Attraction stuff, which if you think about it, is quantum physics, but most of this book deals with your thoughts and feelings. The author talks about the "stories" that we tell ourselves about things. Nothing in and of itself is ever "bad", per se, it is the story that we tell ourselves about the event that determines how we perceive it. Basically, in an energy-based paradigm, what we give off is what we take in, so if we feel fat we will, essentially, become fat. If we think and tell ourselves food is going to make us gain weight, then it most likely will. 

One of the most interesting things in this book was when the author cited the work of Dr. Candice Pert, who discovered evidence in the 1990's that our bodies are really a unified whole. She found that are thoughts really are physical things in that they each have a unique neuropeptide associated with them and each time we have a thought or emotion, our brains produce these neuropeptides and our blood stream is flooded with them. These neuropeptides are then assimilated by your body's cells, inserting themselves into special receptors on the cell's membrane, essentially being absorbed into the cells of your body. Overtime, your cells begin to crave the neuropeptides that they are most often exposed to. So your cells actually start telling your brain to produce these thoughts or emotions, and we essentially become addicted to certain ways of thinking or emotional states. This explains why changing your way of thinking can be one of the most difficult endeavors there is. 

The author's solution is basically to change your way of thinking and feeling by changing the stories that you tell yourself. As in LOA systems, he suggests feeling the state of success before it has arrived and by the laws of physics, through the quantum field, you will draw it to you. He highlights the importance of gratitude and meditation. It is thought provoking, having these concepts applied to eating and exercise, but it does make sense, I'll give him that. It isn't magic, but if you change the way you perceive things, you could potentially have better results from more assistance from the quantum field. It's really one of those easier said than done deals. Change your mind, change your life. 

BOOK REVIEW: E-Squared

E-Squared by Pam Grout is an interesting little read. Whether you believe in this shit or not, well, basically matters because what you believe determines the results. If you think manifestation is complete bullshit, you will not want to read this book. The open minded will probably enjoy it. Simply put, this is a book of nine different experiments to prove the malleability of reality.

I enjoyed this book. No, all of the experiments didn't work, but some of them did. I believe our thoughts do shape reality but the author gives each experiment only a 48 hour time frame to manifest because she says time is irrelevant. This may be true, but if someone doesn't have the ability to control their mind and thoughts with the laser like precision of Jesus Christ, wouldn't it take a little longer to accomplish? Perhaps. That could be part of the problem. Why the time frame? 

If you disregard the experiments in this book it would still be an informative read. Grout sites everything from Newton's classic laws of physics to the works of Dr. Masaru Emoto who discovered that our thoughts, words, and emotions affect the shape of the ice crystals that form in water when frozen (amazing stuff all on its own). She provides a good deal of anecdotal evidence and delivers her information with a good amount of humor. Each experiment is given a fun name, such as "Experiment #1, The Dude Abides Principle". 

I really dug this book and would like to give it another read through sometime when I am not reading anything else simultaneously. I think perhaps had I given some experiments more mental attention I may have had different results. I also saw Pam Grout has an E3 book out, which I would like to read also. The rules of quantum physics state that we are all energy, pieces of the same quantum "field of potentiality" as Grout calls it and this book simply provides a way to prove it. The trick is in training your mind to believe it. 

BOOK REVIEW: Finding Body Peace

Body Prayers: Finding Body Peace by Rebecca Radcliffe is a short little book about body image and self-worth. It deals with denying the societal pressure to base your self-esteem on your personal appearance while also accepting and loving your body. It's written in an interesting format and is a little cheesy but was still an inspiring read.

When I first started the book, I didn't like it much. The majority of the book is a series of journal-like entries on each page and they start off as pretty negative. My first thought was geez, this is making me feel terrible and these thoughts are so pathetic and sad but then I realized I could easily be reading some of my own journal pages. I have to say that after I reached this conclusion, reading through the book actually made me feel less alone in my feelings.

Each journal-like entry is paired with a snippet of statistical information on the top of the page about societal weight issues, media, and body image. In a way, the writings are responding to these. They all start off pretty negative, but as I kept reading I enjoyed it more as the author started to unabashedly deny the societal view and spoke more encouragingly about her body. Again, I found this was inspiring as it is pretty much where I find myself now. 

The last part of the book is a collection of women's prayers, poems, and affirmations. Again, a little cheesy, but there were some good morsels in there. All in all, I would say this book was an inspiring read and I'm sure I got something out of it even if it wasn't life changing. It's incredibly short, at only 136 pages, so I'd say read it. I will probably read some of the passages from this book again sometime. I would probably give this book 3 stars, but it is worth a read if you struggle with body image. 

BOOK REVIEW: The Game of Life and How to Play It

The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn is considered a "prosperity classic". This is a short read I added into the line of books I am currently reading just to get a break from the therapeutic mental work. I was intrigued because this book was originally published in 1925, so I wanted to see how it compared to other "prosperity" writings I have read. This book was obviously a source for many modern writers, but also offered some new insights to me and information on spiritual law.

If you have read Rhonda Byrne's The Secret and enjoyed it, you would probably enjoy this book. If you think The Secret is a bunch of garbage you actually might still enjoy this book. To me, The Secret was a commercialized rip off of ancient teachings, squeezed into a cheesy package for average Americans. It talks solely of the Law of Attraction and how to "manifest" things into your life. It came off as fairly superficial and tacky. I still liked its message of "you get what you put out", although most of its stories or examples were of people wanting a Lamborghini or other material trappings, which didn't seem very spiritual to me at all, or maybe that was simply because of who the target audience was? Who knows. Regardless, this book, in contrast, is even more simplistic while at the same time being much more informative and dare I say "real" to me.

Florence Scoval Shinn not only talks about the Law of Attraction like Byrne, but other "spiritual laws" such as the laws of Prosperity, Nonresistance, Karma and Forgiveness. She explains about the Power of the Word, stating the importance of our spoken words in bringing us what we declare. She explains the game of life as a "game of boomerangs", declaring "man's thoughts, deeds, or words, return to him sooner or later, with astounding accuracy." She says giving opens up the way to receiving and people must trust their intuition or their inner guidance. To me, all of these things are truth.

She speaks of Love as God in manifestation, the "strongest magnetic force in the universe". She quotes the Bible quite often, explaining from an energetic stand point what Jesus actually meant by many of his teachings. I kind of enjoyed this. I enjoyed her usage of terms like Infinite Spirit for the Divine, as well as her talk of divine design, "Divine right" and Divine selections. Although much of what was in this book was repetition for me, it all gave a different yet similar spin to things I have already read, believed, and felt. I also gained a new understanding of the Biblical tale of Adam and Eve eating from the tree of "the knowledge of good and evil" because of this book, seeing it now as symbolic of the birth of Ego and the shift away from unity consciousness into dualistic thinking. The way I took it, our "banishment" was more of a birth into third dimensional consciousness, shifting away from the unity of the fourth dimensional "God" space. I don't know why I never saw it like this before from other readings, etc. but this made so much sense to me that I had a mini "Aha" moment. (PSA: The Bible utilizes symbolism and is not literal.)

While the book was God heavy, I didn't mind this, but some might. I personally think there is a morsel of wisdom in everything if we can keep from being offended long enough to consume it. The author basically explains how the Universe, being Infinite Spirit (or just an energetic field of potentiality depending on how you look at it...i.e. The Force), responds to our words and thoughts with amazing accuracy. Thoughts ARE things (read Thoughts Are Things by Prentice Mulford, written in 1889, it's another old as shit book about manifestation and the power of thought.) This infinite field can be manipulated if we are aware of our "boomerangs" and the actual language we are using to "communicate" our desires. As within, so without. As above, so below. To every action (thought, word, deed) there is an equal and opposite reaction (manifestation). This isn't just spiritual law, it's physics.

BOOK REVIEW: Eating in the Light of the Moon

Eating in the Light of the Moon: how women can transform their relationships with food through myths, metaphors, & storytelling by Anita Johnston, Ph.D.

Eating in the Light of the Moon: How Women Can Transform Their Relationships with Food Through Myths, Metaphors, & Storytelling is a book written by Anita Johnston, Ph.D. about disordered eating in women. This book points out that 95% of people diagnosed with eating disorders are female, and therefore focuses on women and the divine feminine qualities that she believes become imbalanced with eating disorders. Johnston uses myths, metaphors and fairy tales to explain how the problem with food is really just an illusion; food is a metaphor for a hunger inside of us that is much deeper than physical hunger. In fact, we’re so used to tuning out our bodies’ true signs of hunger that we only know when we are famished or completely stuffed. She explains how it is essential that we learn again to pay attention to the subtle signs that our body is giving us. This book is full of symbolism and is a great journey of self-discovery. 

"Storytellers speak in the language of myth and metaphor," the author says. "They tell us a truth that is not literal, but symbolic. If we hear the stories with only the outer ear, they can seem absurd and untrue, but when listened to with the inner ear, they convey a truth that can be understood and absorbed on a deeply personal level. In this way, stories help us connect with our inner world, to the natural rhythms and cycles of the earth, and to the power of our intuitive wisdom." This book utilizes symbolism throughout to shed light onto the dark places of your psyche and explain that feelings are important and meant to be dealt with, not numbed out or covered over.

Johnston focuses on rediscovering the inner feminine, our intuition, and using that to shed light on our disordered eating. Through stories, the author tells of our struggles with food stemming from hidden feelings and an imbalance in our energies, our intuition has been ignored and our light has been extinguished. There is some reason that we turn to food for sustenance. Johnston explains a woman’s recovery as being a journey into a great labyrinth, where we have to wind around and around until we reach the very center of it, our core where all of our demons dwell, and then we have to face them and make the spiraling journey back out of the labyrinth into the world again. A woman must heal her relationships with her femininity, her sexuality, her body and her Self before she can conquer disordered eating.

I loved the use of metaphor in this book, it really speaks my language. What I got most out of this book was that food is a metaphor for other forms of sustenance, for a different kind of hunger, not only the physical. The most memorable part of this book for me was the metaphor about the animals that were starving and that couldn’t reach the fruit from the splendid tree because they couldn’t remember its name. They sent 3 different animals back to the lion to learn the name of the tree so they could eat of its fruit. Both the gazelle and the elephant could not make it back from the lion without tripping into a hole and forgetting the name. Finally, they sent the tortoise, whose great-great-great grandmother had told about the tree and how to remember. After getting the name from the lion, the tortoise repeated it to itself over and over again until it reached the other animals, “Ungalli. Ungalli. The name of the tree is Ungalli.” It repeated this over and over again until returning to the tree and announcing the name, and immediately the limbs of the tree extended to the ground and the animals were able to eat of the fruit. This story explains how you need to know the name of your hunger in order to recover and how you must keep it in front of you the entire time of your journey. Johnston says that it is only when your hunger is named that you can be truly fed. She explains the difference between nourishment and Nourishment with a capitol “N”. The woman who suffers from disordered eating must keep the name of her hunger in the forefront of her mind and repeat it to herself whenever she struggles with her own personal food symbolism.

This book focuses on how women who suffer from disordered eating have lost touch with their bodies and have become disconnected from their inner feminine; there is an imbalance between their masculine and feminine selves. It highlights the importance of the symbolism in our dreams and suggests using them for knowledge about our hidden fears and feelings. It also guides you, through insights and practical exercises, toward empowerment, explaining how to regain the power of your intuition and get in touch with your feelings, instead of stuffing them down or numbing them away. It focuses on feeding your “shadow sister” who wishes to be heard instead of starved or stuffed, by recognizing those parts of you that have been hidden or lost. Once you can see through the illusion that food is really the issue, you can dive deeper into your feelings and really begin to feel them again. Remember your hunger; always know what it is that you are truly hungry for, be it acceptance, love, respect, or creative expression. Keep it in front of you at all times and you will be able to give yourself the Nourishment that you TRULY desire. The name of the tree is Ungalli!!

SOURCES:

Eating in the Light of the Moon: how women can transform their relationships with food through myths, metaphors, & storytelling by Anita Johnston, Ph.D.

Johnston, Anita Ph.D.

Carlsbad, CA. Gurze Books. 1996

Almost Anorexic: A Book Review and a Personal Revelation

Almost Anorexic is a book published by the Harvard Medical School’s The Almost Effect series, which discusses the grey area of medical conditions that aren’t necessarily a diagnosable condition but are still definitely not in the “healthy” range. Eating disorders and other medical conditions exist on a spectrum. This book is about falling on the spectrum between healthy and full blown eating disorder, in the grey area with subthreshold conditions that don’t get the attention diagnosable conditions receive. It was a collaboration written by Dr. Jennifer J. Thomas, an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, and Jenni Schaefer, author of the book “Life Without Ed”, who has recovered from anorexia nervosa, and is chair of the Ambassadors Council of the National Eating Disorders Association. I discovered Almost Anorexic while searching for books that would actually address my personal experiences with disordered eating. This book was the key to helping me to unlock and unearth what was probably my dirtiest not-so-secret secret. I call it this because it is not something that I am proud of and I have a great deal of shame and guilt surrounding the subject and while a few people know, I have never blatantly verbalized or acknowledged it publicly, so perhaps this is a revelation of sorts as well as a review on this helpful book.

People look to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to know if they have a true problem, but while helpful, it also can be one of the biggest impediments to their actual healing if they can’t find themselves in the book. How do you properly treat your illness if you don’t feel you have a legit problem or it isn’t even recognized as one by professionals, family, or friends? This is one of the things that Almost Anorexic addresses. A lot of the reason people think that they don’t have a problem is because of the diagnostic criteria. Sadly, this can keep them from getting the help they really do need. If someone doesn't meet all the criteria for a disorder, they are typically diagnosed as EDNOS (Eating disorders not otherwise specified) or OSFED (Other specified feeding and eating disorders), which aren't even considered officially recognized eating disorders. I would have been in this group dubbed by some clinicians as “diagnostic orphans”. The point is all subclinical eating disorders are worthy of help.

I never became underweight which is required for an anorexia nervosa diagnosis but, like many other diagnostic orphans, I exhibited all of the same behaviors as someone diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. Had I taken the EAT-26 (Eating Attitudes) test back then, I'm sure it would have indicated I had a real problem. I also lost 35% of my body weight which actually WOULD get an anorexia nervosa diagnosis according to earlier versions of the DSM, which called for a weight loss of at least 25%. The DSM has changed since then a couple of times and is now on its 5^th edition. In the newest edition I would be diagnosed as OSFED, atypical anorexia nervosa. Even though I gained all of the weight that I lost back after I stopped restricting on top of my intense exercise regime, I still carried many of these behaviors with me into my 30’s; I still struggle with the Binge/Purge pattern even in other areas of my life. Ed is still in my head and still has a big say in my daily life, whether I am fully aware of it or not. Awareness is half the battle. Eating disorders are behavioral disorders, and let’s face it...behaviors don’t just magically go away because you refuse to acknowledge them or time passes. There is still a residue. And while I am not currently dealing with full blown disordered eating anymore, I am still dealing with a lot of behavioral residue from the days when I was. I believe you need to acknowledge and change behaviors or you will unconsciously relive them repeatedly. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.

There is a drastic difference between healthy weight loss and an eating disorder. What I did in high school was not healthy and I know now that I most likely lost my gall bladder at the age of 16 because of how fast I lost the majority of the weight. I also know now that intense restriction is not a sustainable way to achieve weight loss...period. Restriction wasn't my only problem, though, as I also developed an obsessive relationship with exercise. Exercise is one of the best things you can do for your body, but not when you force your body to do it as a punishment when you haven't fed it anything for a week. I starved and abused my body, I desecrated my temple. My body didn't trust me anymore after this ordeal, and I am still working on regaining it's trust 20 years after the fact.

I was amazed by how much I found myself in this book, maybe not so much my current Self, but pieces of my Self, and especially that younger aspect of my Self. She was there in all of those pages. The book uses many case studies and personal anecdotes that I definitely found relatable. Almost Anorexic deals with the subclinical end of the eating disorder, while using stories from Jenni’s personal recovery to explain the obsessive relationship people can develop with food and exercise. It not only covers food related problems like binge eating and restricting, but also discusses compensatory behaviors and the highly important subject of body image. Dr. Thomas and Jenni discuss the physiological and psychological changes that occur in “almost eating disorder” syndromes. The second half of the book gives solutions and suggestions for recovery, and also includes helpful activities for you to do on your own, including identifying your social support network, and creating a personalized relapse prevention plan. An interesting exercise from Chapter 6 has you write two letters to your eating disorder, one as if it were a friend, and one as if it were a foe.

In my therapy, I have recently started to dive into this aspect of my story. I thought it would be helpful to "tell someone" as this book instructs. This secret casts a dark shadow on me and I am now working on bringing everything into the light. “For good and for real.” This book is a wonderful read for anyone who has had, has, thought they had, or may have an eating disorder. It is filled with an extensive amount of resources for help. I encourage anyone that thinks that they may have a problem with food and body image to read this book. I also encourage anyone who thinks that their loved one may have a problem with food to think about reading this book. I spent the majority of my life in a state of limbo, somewhere stranded in the middle of the spectrum. Almost recovered isn’t the same as fully recovered and while I’m almost there, I’m not going to settle for almost recovered anymore.

For Good and For Real,

Missie Sue

SOURCES:

Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One’s) Relationship with Food a Problem?

Thomas, Jennifer J. and Jenni Schaefer

Center City, Minnesota:  Harvard University/Hazeldon, 2013. Print.

April Showers and the Death of Ego

I can't believe April is half over already.  Time is flying and I feel as though I'm in slow motion.  Maybe it's just the Cabin Fever leaving my body via the colon??  We find relief in the warm weather allowing outside play and the stress relief it brings, but it has been raining this week and today it snowed.  I have been letting the dirt build up while reading. 

I'm day by day working my way through Sarah Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.  I've got all year for that one, but I also am working on Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.  I bought this book years ago along with The Power of Now, which I read, although I never made it onto A New Earth.  I watch Super Soul Sunday on OWN mostly every week, and Oprah is now reairing her discussions with Eckhart Tolle week by week, chapter by chapter.  I thought it an opportune time to finally read the book!  So I am enjoying that.  It's like being in a book club.  Being able to watch Eckhart discuss each chapter as I go is insightful and I've been learning a lot about the Ego and its desire to thrive.  Interestingly enough, Ego has been a running theme as of late. 

I'm also reading Healing the Addictive Personality by Dr. Lee Jampolsky with my friend who is now over a year clean from heroin.  The Addictive Personality applies to many aspects of your life, including behavioral patterns and relationships.  Addiction doesn't just apply to addicts.  Many people would be surprised at how much they could benefit from this book because, as the author even states at one point, you could replace Addictive Personality with 'Ego'.  It's all Ego based, like this mad mad world we live in.  Everyone should read this book.  Everyone has an Ego they could work on. 

Ego is the culprit.  The Ego and its thriving pain body.  The victim mentality that I swore to give up as I burnt it away on a slip of paper on our Christmas tree after Turkey Party---it's rooted in Ego.  Having a big ego doesn't always mean you feel superior to people.  If you feel inferior, that is still your ego.  It thrives on pain, negative emotions and thoughts.  It's an invisible force in control of most human interactions, and therein lies the problem. 

We found a dead bird on the patio two Sunday's ago and I thought, 'What a terrible omen!'  After looking up its symbolism for shits and giggles, I found it doesn't have to be.  It can represent the death of a person, but also the death of a relationship or even a belief...a way of thinking.  On that Super Soul Sunday, especially after taking in the happenings that evening brought, I decided the dead bird, that poor creature that dove head first into my patio table, to me....was indeed the death of Ego.  Here's to the shift.

This Week in Work: The Navel Tale and More

I shouldn’t even be blogging, but I should because I want to get into the role of writing again.  I have writer’s block.  Well, I have honestly been writing a lot, just not blog writing.  I’ve been writing poetry plenty, and musings and such.  Just blah on the blog front.  So I have Blogger’s Block. 

I have a busy week ahead of me.  I have a Drifting Sun print job for Jackson’s Bar, hopefully I will be printing those Thursday.  I have to do screens and graphics for this job yet before printing.  I have a day of piercing lined up for this Wednesday.  It will be my first near full day of piercings, I hope to get a good number lined up so it is worth it. 

I’ve begun a self apprenticeship in piercing, as I said, and I had a week of nostrils and navel.  This week I am going to do lips and labrets, and possibly some others.  I’m currently still lining up some guineas.  (I mean no disrespect to people from New Guinea, or guinea pigs or anything of the sort, I simply reply to my subjects/patients/heros as guineas.  I appreciate all of the guinea pigs that are allowing me to learn on them!)  Hopefully I can get a decent day of it scheduled out so it’s worth while lining up a sitter for so long.

I will be attempting lips and labrets.  All new to me!  Last week I did two nostril piercings and a navel.  They all went really well.  The nostril, I had done before as I blogged, on myself.  These ones were done with corkscrew jewelry studs, though, which can prove to be difficult getting to turn to follow the needle through.  I have also done my own navel, I mentioned, only completely incorrectly with a safety pin.  The navel.  THE NAVEL.  That is the tricky one.  But having all the proper supplies to do it was so much easier.

The navel piercing is very popular, mostly with teenage girls.  This is one of the things that make it actually one of the more difficult piercings to do.  They aren’t always great with their aftercare and a navel can take up to 9 to 12 months or longer to heal fully at times.  This isn’t me targeting anyone, this is what I’ve read in my books/studies.  I’ve been on my subject like a hawk about aftercare!  She’s been great!  It’s doing well. 

The navel piercing itself was a little odd.  The needle pierced through fine, I just had trouble getting the jewelry to follow the needle through, as it didn’t fit into the hollow end of the needle well because they were the same gauge.  I finished it up and it went well, but there was a moment where I was almost afraid I would have to stop and not be able to do it.  I thought I wouldn’t be able to get the jewelry through for a split second, but I was determined, apologized to my subject, and lined them up and got ‘er through!  BAM! The biggest problem was getting enough of her skin in the forceps to pierce well enough.  That’s another problem with navels.  They reject and migrate often because there isn’t always a good amount of skin to be pierced there.  No two navels are made alike and there are some that just simply can not be pierced!  You must assess the situation.  I decided she was capable, although hers was a little elongated (like a coin slot) which we joked about. 
  

I need to line up my guineas and be aware of which piercings they are interested in so I can prepare myself properly.  So hopefully everything goes well Wednesday and I am able to get my printing done while still being able to write a few things here and there.  Mondays are so crazy.  I sat down last night (on Sunday) and actually tried to plan my week out some and contacted people about this week.  It was good to start ahead, so hopefully I can keep up with that momentum.  I’m already hittin’ the coffee hard, and I’m gonna need it for this week! 

Piercing Through,

Missie Sue

Hoots & Hellmouth: February 4th, 2012

Hoots & Hellmouth

February 4^th, 2012

Elk Creek Cafe +Aleworks

Millheim, Pennsylvania

I only wished I had written of this experience while it was fresher in my memory.  This was the first concert of this year that I went to, taking place on February 4.  It was one of the best and most intimate concert experiences I have ever had.  I know that H&HM aren’t exactly a huge act that would draw an insanely large crowd, but I do believe that is why it was one of the best concert experiences of my life and I have come to really appreciate the small, intimate venue for concerts.    

For starters, the Elk Creek Café +Aleworks is a restaurant and ale house.  It is maybe 75 feet by 200 feet, and that is going by my horridly poor guestimated calculations.  It is essentially a restaurant, with a chimney in its center and a stage on the wall opposite the bar.  It is a very nicely lit and maintained establishment.  There was a logo for the cafe on the wall behind the stage.  The Alehouse is what it sounds like; it is a small microbrewery and restaurant.  We had the privilege of ordering and enjoying a wonderful meal prior to watching the show!

We ordered our meals and pitchers of ale and started the evening off.  I believe I had the bacon cheeseburger, if I remember correctly.  I think that a burger is a good menu item to try out at a new place to see how the food will be.  Though somewhat pricey for what we got, the food was definitely enjoyable.  The people I was with ordered a dozen wings, which they let me sample a few of as well as pitchers of ale for the evening.  The wings were some of the biggest I have ever eaten.  What I do remember the best is the delicious sauce that came with my burger.  I don’t know what it was for exactly, so I smeared some on my burger and proceeded to dip folded fries into it.  After a good full belly I started on some ale, which was a brown ale something or other that was on special in pitchers for the night.  The bar is also a microbrewery and they make all of their own beer.  The beer was quite delicious and I enjoyed a few foaming glasses throughout the evening.  On with the show!

The acoustics in this place were amazing.  The sound booth and man were right in front of our table so I watched intently as he and the guys messed with it earlier in the evening to get it just so.  I should mention that the place was so small, the band was hanging out the entire night at a table in the far corner to the right of the stage, which was probably about 20 to 30 feet away.  Pretty amazing.  Just wolfing down my burger checking out some musicians I find quite amazing.  A definite moment for the books (or blog)!  I wasn’t sure what to expect when the show started.  I had two of H&HM’s albums at the time and rather enjoyed both of them, though I had never seen them live.  I did not have their new album, Salt, which was only released a month or two prior to the concert.  Let the show begin.

So the room quiets down a bit and the lighting changes and they finally start into their very first song, which is Roll, Brandywine, Roll, followed by The Good I Know You Know.  These were the two songs that my best good pal I had accompanied to the show had wished to hear above all!  Score!   I think I had my phone up and was recording throughout this.  Before they got into the next song after their opening, Rob (mandolin/etc) made a joke about making history here tonight and being sure to upload to your Facebook, commenting on the video taking that was going on around them in a positive way.  How delightful!  These are the only songs I remember a specific order for.  I do remember hearing Forks and Knives, and some others off of their first albums, but then the latter part of the performance seemed devoted mostly to their new album Salt.  I swear it almost seems as if they played the album in its entirety, and who knows, they may have.  I had heard their concerts described as “revivals” and as the night progressed I was soon to learn just what this meant. 

Dancers swarmed the stage, stomping in a line right in front of the boys.  During the intro of The Ache, I remember the sound of the bass completely filling the room, thick like smoke, and when he dragged the bow across those strings I swear that I felt it in the gray matter of my brain!  As the band moved through their sets, it was more and more evident what was meant by revival.  Slowly more and more people would migrate to the front of the room to stand before them and stomp, clap, dance, sway, or any combination of the aforementioned movements.  People were getting right up in front of them and taking pictures and video with their phones and cameras.  Meanwhile, they performed perfectly, like they were a framed piece of art or a living tourist attraction. 

During the break, I perused the items they had for sale on the back table they were sitting at earlier.  Among the items was the book Seeds of Discent by Nic Esposito, concerning self sustainable agriculture, as they were there having played the PASA convention that they frequent every year.  I was told the owner of the Aleworks was the man who started PASA.  I chitchatted with the guy they had selling the stuff for awhile, discussing the book and other things.  He gave me a business card with the books name, etc, on it so I could check into it later on.  Eventually the band came around and my friends and I were able to speak one on one with them.  I ended up purchasing two vinyl records while there, The Holy Open Secret and a copy of their new album Salt.  I was able to take the copy of THOS around to each of the band members and have them sign it.  They doodled on it, as the drummer, who I started with, told me they did if people didn’t mind.  Mind?  Yeah, I will “mind” big time if you doodle on a copy of your vinyl sleeve in front of me with a Sharpie while we chit chat like we’re pals.  This was epic. 

I remember high-fiving Mike Reilly, the drummer, who was very chill and layed back.  Rob Berliner (mandonlin/piano/banjo/organ/vocals) was actually the one who checked me out with his super technical phone swiping “device”,which we had problems with.  He said I would have to wait and apologized.  “Ohh no!!” Whatever will I do.  I guess just stand here and talk to you some more.  I believe he told me I had a nice name and we discussed where I hailed from.  He was a nice guy.  Todd “Bud” Erk, the bassist, was one of the shyest guys I have met and it was incredibly awkward getting his signature on the album.  He sort of stayed on the stage and wasn’t talking to folks as much, but I got him! 

This left only Mr. Sean Hoots. His glasses, beard, hair combo were drawing me in.  He had a presence that I had been marveling over the entire evening, that I couldn’t even explain if I tried.  He was great in person.  Up close and personal, his style of playing was a glorious thing to witness!  The way he passionately attacked the strings of the guitar and channeled Jesus on stage!  I had to tell him!  “…you have one of the most powerful stage presences that I have ever seen…”, there I was, kissing ass to underrated musicians.  “Aw, shucks.  Thank you.” he said to me.  I got Sean Hoots to say shucks?  What an honestly awesome guy!  Seriously. 

Their second set was even more stomptastic than the first.  Feet were flying and people were bouncing; you couldn’t NOT move to this music!  The sheer power that I felt in the room during each rise and fall during Why Would You Not Want To Go There? changed my life!  The song has a maddening pace combined with swaying lyrics, and an excellent use of absences.  Being such a closeup observer of the strumming pattern of Sean Hoots and his channeling performance was moving to say the absolute least and I ended up being obsessed with this song for a few months afterward. The wall of energy in front of them at that moment was phenomenal.  Everybody in the entire room was feeling and contributing to that song.  "That just comes right back to you!" Sean had told me, when I was commenting on the "wall of energy" to him.  It was a revival, alright.

Every time that I listen to Being Borned Again, the last song on the Salt album, I am transported back to that night and I can remember the entire crowd/room being instructed toward stomping and clapping in perfect time and unison to the beat of the tune in that dimly and perfectly lit room.  Blue tinted lights illuminated the band, and I heard one of the best songs for the first time in my life and immediately fell in love with it.  Muscle memory will always connect that song for me to that stomp clap pattern and that room where the whole crowd was revealed to be one energetic organism moving together. 

I had one of the most intimate musical experiences of my life seeing Hoots and Hellmouth at the Elk Creek Cafe and Aleworks and I look very forward to seeing them perform again! 

The Beginning or End?

Friday, January 20, 2011
Which do you enjoy more - the start of a book or the end?

I have been supposed to finish Siddhartha now for, oh, a few months.  It’s pretty pathetic that I am still on chapter 2 considering it probably has 120 pages if that.  I’ve read the book before at least twice but am re reading it with a group of my friends.  It’s proven to be harder than I thought.  Okay, bear with me.  I’m having a thought.  

 
It’s a short book.  I’ve read it before.  I am actively reading other things in my free time.  Why am I not reading this book?  Is there something in there?  I already know what it is about, is that the point?  Am I putting off reading my book intentionally for a reason, is what I am wondering.

November Blog #9: "The Local Yokel's Animal Farm"

I recently read The Locavore Way by Amy Cotler.  It was a really good book and was very informative.  I checked it out from my local library, but I could see where it would be more useful to just own a copy or download it on your kindle or nook or other reader.  It is full of a lot of good information that would be useful to have on hand. 

The book talks of striving to be a “locavore”, that is someone who seeks to consume only or mostly local food.  Cotler talks about the pros of local eating for the economy as well as the environment. 
Cotler also discusses buying clubs for meat and dairy, which are groups of people that get together with a farmer and purchase meat.  She talks about the importance of grass-fed as apposed to corn-fed.  We want our meat to be sustainably raised with no hormones or antibiotics.  Chickens and cows should be free to roam and cattle should be fed grass.  She points out this fact, which is also mentioned in the movie Food Inc. (SIDENOTE:  Such an excellent film shedding a flood light on the food industry and the horrors of processed meats and food.  If you have the chance, you should absolutely watch it.)

This fact is pretty disgusting and shocking.  In a nutshell:

Cows basically are not designed to eat corn; they are designed to eat grass.  Cow farmers feed them corn to plump them up and inject them full of chemicals and the corn in the cows stomach actually creates the e. coli that they crap out that ultimately at times gets washed down the farm when it rains and runs right into your spinach! 

I think this is pretty insane if you think about it.  There is no reason for them to feed cows like this or treat them this way and it is appalling.  It only serves to plump their fat wallets and sell you their crap food.  Remember, you are voting when you buy!  Use your voice wisely.  If you don't agree with their practices, try your best to boycott what you can and go local and/or organic.  If you support local agriculture, you save animals from slaughter houses that don’t take the animals into consideration and you in turn support local farms where animals are allowed to freely roam and interact with other animals and nature. 

One of the interesting things is where the author talks about the differences between organic and local food and which she believes is better.  Cotler believes that it is better to go local, because most local things are actually organic, many of the farms, however, can simply not afford to become certified organic, and therefore are cheaper anyway.  And going local also supports your local economy and someone's local farm.

One of the main reasons for being a locavore, though, is because of the huge cost of transporting all of the food across the globe.  Tons of gallons of fuel are burnt up shipping different foods across the country when you could easily buy the same produce locally!  Locally grown food is grown for taste, not quickly for yield and shelf life like produce that is shipped.  You are more likely to find heirloom varieties of a lot of vegetables that you haven’t tried.   

The book is full of a lot of good information and really encourages you to above all “ask”, which seems so simple, but we sometimes forget that this is really a big power we have. 

Ask where your food comes from.  Seek out farmer’s markets and other local stands.  Ask your grocery stores where they purchase their produce and encourage them to carry more local brands.  She also talks of CSA, which is Community Sustained Agriculture.  A CSA sounds really awesome.  It is kind of like a buying club for meat, only it usually lasts for a certain number of weeks or something and every week you get a package of produce and other things that are in season at the time.   It is usually fresh picked vegetables and fruit and some farms even include milk and cheeses.  Different areas have different seasons for their CSA’s and prices for shares, so you would have to locate a CSA farm near you. 

Cotler also fills the book with many recipes and cooking tips for farm fresh vegetables and fruits.  She covers some aspects of canning, freezing, and drying produce and emphasizes cooking food to prolong its shelf life. 

The book is a really good read and I suggest reading it.  The resource section alone is amazingly useful and a good way to locate a lot of different resources for attempting to reduce your carbon footprint, support your local economy, and eat healthier in the process!  Check it out! 

November Blog #5: "SPOILER ALERT: The Color Purple In a Nutshell"

Day 23 - A Picture of Your Favorite Book

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

“SPOILER ALERT:  The Color Purple In a Nutshell” 

The Color Purple is the story of women’s struggles with inequality and oppression; a tale of love, heartache, inner strength and one’s own personal journey of faith.  Celie, the main character and narrator, starts off writing letters to God because she has no where else to turn for an outlet as she is being abused by her stepfather, who tells her she is going to do “what her mama can’t”, as her mother is too busy dying of cancer or something to take care of her husband’s needs.  Her stepfather continually rapes her, impregnating her twice and taking the babies and supposedly killing them in the woods.  She is the ugly older sister, and is eventually sent off to marry a man, simply referred to as Mr. by Celie or Albert to others.  Mr. originally wanted the hand of her prettier younger sister Nettie, however, Celie’s stepfather convinces him to take her instead, saying Nettie is too young and Celie is no longer able to conceive, a plus if you already have about 20 children that need a mother and basically just want a servant who can literally do the dirty work.  After Celie is married to Mr. and moved in with him in order to raise his children and tend to his home, Nettie soon comes to stay with her so as to escape the sexual advances of their stepfather herself.  (Mind you at this point in the book, both Celie and Nettie and therefore the reader, have no idea that it is their stepfather.  They believe the man to be their own father.)  Celie and her sister Nettie are extremely close and during their time together, Nettie attends school and teachers Celie how to read as she learns more.  Ultimately, though, Mr. advances on Nettie.  She fights off his attempts, and he banishes her from his property, separating Celie and Nettie from each other.  

Albert tells Nettie she will never hear from her sister again and through all of the years hides away all of the letters she ever writes to Celie.  Unbeknownst to her, Nettie ends up going with Celie’s two biological children to Africa with the missionary couple that actually adopted them when their stepfather said he had killed them.  Celie will not get these letters until sometime later and throughout most of the story believes her sister to be dead.  She endures years of abuse at the hand of her husband as well as torment from his children she was forced to raise.  It was an unloving marriage of his convenience.  Ironically, it is Shug Avery, Albert’s mistress, who comes to stay with them for a time when she is sick, who teaches Celie some of her most valuable life lessons, including how to love and be loved.  This is more evidence indeed that you learn your lessons in the most peculiar places from the most implausible people. 

She ends up having feelings for Shug and a relationship of sorts, as Shug is Celie’s first true encounter with love.  Shug teaches Celie how to view God differently, to view it not as a white man with a beard as she always has, but as she sees fit to suit her.  She teaches her to appreciate the good things in life including the blowing trees and the color purple. 

Celie truly comes full circle and over the length of the tale develops into a true person instead of a sub human character.  Her real inner strength is established and released as she finally stands up to Mr. and leaves him.  She opens her own business in her real father’s old store which she inherits, making “folks pants”.

The story is a journey that takes place over a lifetime.  By the end of the tale, Celie is finally reunited with her sister and her children.  This is really an in a nutshell summary; there are plenty more themes throughout this book as well as more interesting characters that have a lot to offer to the story as well.  This is one of my favorite books as well as movies, though as with most cases, the book is a lot better. 

I don’t want to completely spoil it if you haven’t read it already.  Read it!  It’s a beautiful story.  It’s a classic.  I highly recommend it.  …if you like such things. 

MTY,
Missie Sue

BOOK REVIEW: A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson

A Walk in the Woods:  Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail

Bryson's tale of his attempt at the Appalachian Trail is an amazing and awesome one.  He had been living in and hiking in Britain for the past 20 years, and after moving back to New Hampshire, was on a mission to reacquaint himself with America.  He had seen the entrance near his home of the Appalachian Trail, and decided to look into it.  After doing extensive research into the AT, the areas it lies on, and its creation and history, Bill Bryson sets out to hike the Appalachian Trail, and sees America as few rarely do. 

The AT extends from Georgia to Maine and covers over 2,200 miles of wilderness.  Extending through the various mountain systems of the Appalachian mountain chain, the trail starts at the hike to Springer Mountain, and ends at Mount Katahdin.  Bryson and his buddy Stephen Katz start out at the beginning in Georgia in frigid weather.  They hike their way through the Georgia part of the trail and into North Carolina.  They hiked alongside the Tennessee and North Carolina border and then into Smoky Mountains.  After making it to Smoky Mountains National Park, they had been hiking forever it seemed and were really getting into the flow of the hike, finding their paces and being able to hike miles a day, day after day.  They had just begun to feel like they could do it and were getting accustomed to the trail.  Then, at one stop along the trail in a gift shop they see a 4 foot model of the trail, which depicts their progress as a mere 2 inches on the entire length.  It was at that point that Bryson realized they weren't going to hike the entire trail, so they decided to skip the rest of North Carolina, having already seen 3 states hiking, and get out of the Smokies.  They got a ride to a spot further up the trail and they hiked the rest of their time in Virginia, along its Blue Ridge.  

They had only taken 6 weeks for their adventure, which, I found odd considering all of Bryson's research into the trail, and it's a feet usually completely thru-hiked in about 5 months.  2 months is the quickest anyone has hiked the entire trail.  So perhaps he knew he would only be section hiking it from the beginning?  I didn't get that part.  So Katz, who came into New Hampshire from Iowa to meet Bryson and make the hike with him, went back home after they parted ways.  Bryson took a couple of months to take care of some things, but found himself wanting to get back to the trail, so he returned to the AT and section hiked parts of the trail by himself, leaving his car, hiking, and then returning, driving farther up on the trail past where he had hiked, parking, hiking, going back to the car, etc.  He made it through Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania, driving along the trail and visiting towns surrounding it.  He included a lot of information about the industrial parts of Pennsylvania, and a town that had been abandoned because of underground coal fires.  He would day hike parts of it, and then walk back to the car and drive ahead some more.  He hiked most of New Hampshire and Vermont this way, and he was so close to home, he just would hike so much a day, then go back to his car and be home at night.   

Katz rejoined him later to take on Maine's 100 Mile Wilderness.  They set out for their second span together.  This part of the trail is much different than the rest.  It is seriously 100 miles after the town of Monson, with no towns or any civilization until you reach Mount Katahdin at the end.  They decided to start a few days before Monson, and hike it to get refreshed and then head off into the Wilderness.  They made it into the 100 Mile Wilderness and found it quite different than the rest of the trail.  They had to wade through more rivers with their packs held above their heads, and there was more difficult terrain to cross.  It was supposed to be 10 days across the Wilderness, but on around the third day, Katz and Bryson end up getting split up, and Bryson searches for Katz most of the day, hiking miles ahead and retracing miles of the trail, to no avail.  He ends up camping at a pond that night, the only night he camped without Katz, not knowing for sure where his friend was or if he was okay.  Katz was out of water at the time he got lost.  Bryson rises in the morning and starts looking again, and he finally finds him further on ahead on the trail.  He had gone past their rendezvous point, and left the trail in thirst searching for a lake he saw from a high point.  He ultimately got lost for hours, but found his way somehow back to the trail.  After meeting up with Bryson again, Katz is unsettled and shaky, having thought he was done for without water in the wilderness.   They ultimately decided to give it up, saying they needed to stop pretending to be Mountain men. 

Well, there is my shitty synopsis, which pretty much makes the book sounds very uninteresting, but you would have to read it to get the effect.  It's actually a very good book.  That's just the story of their adventure.  It's filled with great details of the terrain they see on the way and the people they meet, fellow hikers on the AT, townspeople, etc.  He gives a pretty graphic and objective view of the trail.  Bryson fell in love with the Appalachian Trail and pleads for its conservation, but on hiking it, he grew to hate it, while still loving it.  The book is filled with a lot of historical facts about the trail itself, from its creator and creation, to the people who maintain it, to the diseases you can catch, the bacteria growing on it, and wildlife surrounding it.  He goes into the history of towns across Pennsylvania and other states, painting a wonderful picture of the trail.  It's a pretty insane accomplishment, just that there IS such a trail, but to hike the entire thing is definitely a colossal achievement, especially thru-hiking.  Bryson also hits on the number of people that try the AT every season, and the 10% that actually make it thru-hiking (or even section hiking) all of the way to Katahdin.  There are stories of people that have very near lost their minds in the woods hiking.  Bryson says it changes people, and some people it almost unnerves completely.  Solitary confinement in trees gets to them, but they continue to push on.  To trudge, as Bryson says.  Bryson himself was a little bummed after they dropped off it and quit, but Katz explained it to him in a way I agree with: they DID hike the Appalachian Trail.  They started in Georgia and hiked in snow, in blizzards, in hot weather, in the rain and in frigid cold.  And they did end in Maine.  They hiked through different states and mountain systems.  They hiked mile after mile.  They hiked mountain after mountain.  They didn't make it to Mount Katahdin, but they hiked the Appalachian Trail.  And it was good.

                *This book is what inspired my buddy Pat to try to hike the AT.  Some would say that he didn't really do it because he didn't finish, but, I think, as this book explains, although he may not have been in the 10% that finished thru-hiking this insane endeavor, at least he went and tried it.  He set foot on it.  He camped on it.  He lived it for even a short while.  He wanted to see what it was about.  Sometimes realization is the best wisdom.  Even to see part of it would be exciting to me!  So, I personally think Pat has also hiked the Appalachian Trail.  Kudos, Pat.

- MS

BOOK REVIEW: "2,428 Words on the Catcher in the Rye"

The Catcher in the Rye is basically a story of troubled youth but with some other undertones.  It starts out from a narrator's point of view, through Holden Caulfield.  He first off says he doesn't want this to be his life story, but is recalling some "madman stuff that happened to him last Christmas".  It seems he is in a hospital under psychiatric care.  In the beginning of the book, Holden Caulfield is a 16 year old immature boy from New York City.  He has been kicked out of prep school after prep school.  The story starts at Pencey Prep, where two weeks before Christmas break, Holden has been kicked out of Pencey Prep for failing four of his five classes.  He goes to meet with his History teacher, Mr. Spencer, and he tells him that life is a game and it should be played by the rules.  Holden is young and immature and doesn't really think much of this advice. It's a Saturday and he has until Wednesday to be at his parent's home in New York City when they know he should be coming home from break.  He returns to his dormitory to find Robert Ackley, an obnoxious kid with tons of acne that won't leave him alone.  His roommate, Ward Stardlater, is conceited and Holden says a "secret slob".  Stradlater asks Holden to write a composition for him because he is going on a date with Jane Gallagher, a girl that Holden used to be friends with several years ago.   Holden writes the composition for Stradlater about his kid brother's baseball mitt.  His kid brother, Allie, died of leukemia.  When Stradlater returns, he gets mad at Holden for writing such a bad essay.  Holden asks him how his date with Jane was, and when he insinuates he may have had sex with Jane, Holden snaps and tries to hit him, but is overpowered by Stradlter.  Holden debates staying around Pencey until people leave for break, but he decides to leave that night, not waiting until Wednesday, and have a 3 day excursion in New York City.  He has some money to get him by, so he takes a train into the city and gets a hotel room.  He meets the mother of a student at Pencey on the train and lies to her, telling her how loved he is, when actually the other boys loathe him.  He checks into the Edmond hotel, and has a view where he can see into other people's windows at the hotel.  He sees a transvestite, and another couple spitting drinks into each other's faces, which makes him think about sex, so he calls up Faith Cavendish, a reputed prostitute whose number he got from a guy he knows.  She turns him down, as it is about 2 in the morning.  He ends up going to the Lavender Room, the bar in the hotel, and dancing with some tourists he thinks are pathetic because how excited they get over the city.  He then decides to go to Eddies night club where his older brother D.B. used to go, but leaves right after getting there because he sees one of D.B.'s ex girlfriend's and thinks that she is phony.  He ends up trying to make contact with acquaintances he has, but to no avail.  He knows a lot of people and makes a lot of contact, but has trouble making meaningful relationships with anyone.  Holden holds the idea that everyone is phony.  That he is basically the only nonphony person, and that everyone wants to be something else.

Holden spends another day calling up people he knows and meeting with them, only to have it be awkward and not at all meaningful.  He decides the only one he wants to contact is Phoebe, his 10 year old kid sister, but is afraid of doing so because his parents might find out he is in town early.  Phoebe Caulfield is one of the only people he holds in high regard other than his dead brother Allie.  He sees her youth as innocence and believes this innocence is destroyed when we grow up, and/or become phony.  He ends up meeting her in the middle of the night, sneaking into the apartment when she is asleep and his parent's aren't home.  She yells at him for getting kicked out of Pencey and he feels betrayed.  She tells him that he doesn't like anything and demands him to name one thing he likes, to which, he cannot find an answer.  He tells her about a plan to just leave and go across the country and be a mute, who just works and is mute, and eventually marries a mute.  Phoebe asks him what he wants to do and he tells her that the only thing he can think that he would want to do is be the 'catcher in the rye'.  He asks her if she knows the song "if a body catch a body coming through the rye", she says she knows the poem but it's if a body find a body.  He says he thought it was "catch a body".   He says that he just envisions a big field of rye with kids running through it and a big cliff at the end, and he was stand there to catch the kids before they fell over the cliff.  The Catcher in the Rye.  This symbolizes his desire to save the innocence of youth.  He ends up leaving to meet with an old teacher of his, Mr. Antolini.  He goes to Mr. Antolini's house and meets with him and his wife.  Mr. Antolini tries to talk Holden into accepting life and applying himself to something.  He quotes Wilhelm Stekel: "The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one."  Holden falls asleep on their couch that night, and he retires, only to wake up in the middle of the night to find Mr. Antolini rubbing his head.  He takes this as a homosexual advance, saying it was very "flitty", meaning gay.  So he rushes out and leaves telling Mr. Antolini he has to get his bags from Grand Central Station.

Holden spends the night at Grand Central Station, then sends a note to Phoebe the next day at school telling her to meet him for lunch and that he has to go.  Holden is becoming increasingly delusional.  He starts feeling very odd and sick and believes he will die every time he crosses the street.  When he meets Phoebe she has a bag packed and wants to go with him.  He tells her no, and she becomes angry when he refuses to let her.  He eventually tells her he isn't going to go, and buys her a ticket for the carrousel in the zoo, where he sits and watches her on it and begins to cry.

Holden ends the story there, refusing to tell what happened next about him getting sick, but hinting that people are worried he won't apply himself next semester.  He's apparently in a hospital out near his brother D.B. in California.  He ends by saying to be careful telling a story about everything, because you miss everyone.  He says he misses even old Stradlater and Ackley.          

Holden Caulfield is a man of mystery?  I'm forming that as a question, because I'm not sure if he is or if he really throws it all out there for us to see.  He is puzzling, nonetheless.  Aloof?  He explains a lot to us in The Catcher and the Rye, but he does so in his own vague, negative language, and he admits and omits a lot about himself as well.  He fully admits to being a great "bullshitter" and a liar.  So at times, it's quite puzzling as to whether he is bullshitting the reader with a lot that he says, or is he being honest to us.  I think it's a combination.  There's no doubt that he is a psychologically disturbed youth, but his aloofness and the book's absence of, sometimes it seems, a plot, keeps you wanting to crack the code.  There's a sort of "to save face" context to his way of speaking to us, like if someone were describing a fight to you in which they got their ass kicked. 

The Catcher in the Rye is basically story about fighting responsibility and not accepting your place in the world.  Holden Caulfield is completely lost.  He has been kicked out of numerous Prep schools for not applying himself, skipping classes, etc, and is now at Pencey Prep, having a go at it again.  And so begins the story of a 16 year old on his own for 3 days in the big city.  Holden is used to New York, though, he grew up there, but he still gets into some peculiar situations.  It seems as though he's just breaking down more and more through the whole ordeal.  It ends with him sitting in front of the carousel in Central Park watching his sister ride it.  And then he says about getting sick.  He mentioned feeling dizzy and sick and about passing out towards the end, but you don't really know what is happening.  Through the entire book you just keep reading thinking you're going to find something.  After this page I'll know, I'll crack the code!  Holden IS the code.  There really isn't an amazing point to this book.  It's just the character.  This book is proof that even though characters can be complete douches and asses, we still find an interest in them.  Because Wagner and I discussed his character, bitter and hating as it may be, many times.  And Wagner was done with Holden.  But I didn't quit, and I began to see and find humor in his story.  His negative position was actually starting to make me laugh, and I'll be god damned if I wasn't able to see a glimmer of what he meant and even understand where he was coming from at times.  The point is that all characters aren't loveable.  They all have flaws like us.  Holden was simply a confused and tormented youth, struggling to find something in this life to want to hold onto and believe in, although he is more troubled than a normal teen.  He hadn't applied himself in anything, and he doesn't even seem to enjoy or like doing anything.  And even when his younger sister gets on him about doing something with his life, he says to her, (and you find out what the title means) that the only thing he can think he would want to do, is be the catcher in the rye.  He hears a little boy on the street singing the song "when a body catch a body coming through the rye" and he decides he wants to be the person that catches the kids from falling.  The person that saves them from growing up, in a manner of speaking.  

I actually begin to like him more and more AND less and less as the book progresses.  He obviously has anger issues and latent feelings about his brother, Allie, dying.  He admits that he punched the windows out of the garage the day his brother died and then he broke his hand on the car window.  But he also says he doesn't blame his parents for wanting to have him psychoanalyzed for it, and he admits it was a dumb thing to do.  He's very eager to point out his short comings or state facts about himself that he admits aren't very friendly or proper, but is it the truth or is it to lull us into a false sense of security?  I like how he says about having to "be in the mood" to do something.  I find that an interesting concept, one that you can't help but support.  I find that some things, you do have to be in the mood for.  But his reasoning for some things is just that he wasn't in the mood to say this or to do that.  He was thinking these things in his head, but lacks the ability to act them out.

 And his criticism on human kind is astonishing, but nonetheless, not always overly critical or evil.  He speaks very fondly of a lot of people.  But others he speaks of as complete bastards.  He bitches and gripes a lot.  But is it accurate?  I can't say that I disagree with his claim that a lot of people are "phony", but he does seem to have a fascination with phoniness and phony things.  Fake.  He hates fake things.  But is he himself fake?  In a way, he is what he hates, because he is an admitted liar, and he admits he can go on and on and tells stories...so isn't that being as "phony" as someone that pastes on a fake smile or throws out a loud and laden with phony "How aaaaaaare you?"  He is also continuously feeling betrayed in the book.  He thinks everyone betrays him.  And he is obsessed with innocence, i.e. being the Catcher in the Rye, saving the children, saving youth.  Phoniness, betrayal, and innocence are all definite themes in this book.  He's very angst ridden and angry, but lost in the same way, but he really does seem to have no direction at all.  But he is only 16 isn't he?  It makes me wonder, aren't MOST 16 year old boys a little of like this? Although, he is not a typical teenager. He is also obsessed and searching for intellectual conversation and focuses on how a lot of people are "morons" and yet, what intellectual conversation or anything has he had?  He hates school, but English is his best subject.  His flaw is that is thinks he is not phony, when actually; you are phony if you are a liar.  And that he is always searching for intellectual conversation, when how much can he really offer an intellect?  He just wants to be the Catcher in the Rye.   He's running from maturity.  He wants to preserve the youth of children, because he is incapable of accepting the end of it, incapable of accepting growth.  He is incapable of accepting responsibility and commitment.  He is incapable.  I wonder if he will apply himself next semester or if he will remain the Catcher in the Rye? 

See, Wagner, there WAS a point to it.  Take that! :P